KILLEEN, Texas — The holiday season can be a time of joy but also grief for so many. For Joseph "Joe" Calhoun's family, they know sudden loss during the holidays all too well after he died in a motorcycle accident on Dec. 6., only three days after his 35th birthday.
Joe Calhoun's mother Staci Price and father Eddie Calhoun remember him as a loving, giving and kind human being.
"I still don't want to accept it but I know he's not with us anymore," Price said.
Both Price and Eddie Calhoun said they won't be celebrating the holidays this year. Price added that she still feels numb from what happened.
Joseph Calhoun lived a life of giving, his parents said. His parents recall him having a garden outside of his apartment where he grew food to give to his neighbors, and said he enjoyed taking care of bees and taking part in Bikers Against Child Abuse (BACA).
They talked about how he was as a kid, sharing stories of little moments of rebellion when he was much younger that made them laugh.
"Wherever I was he was right behind," Eddie said.
Eddie and Staci said they'll remember him for his loving spirit and all the times he gave back, even to people he didn't know.
Joe died after crashing his motorcycle into a deer on FM 436 near Dice Grove Road. His loss was not something his family was ready for but they know his legacy will live on.
How to deal with grief during the holidays:
Interim Director and Clinical Supervisor for the Community Counseling and Family Therapy Center at Central Texas A&M Brianna Davis has a few tips for how to cope with loss this season.
"You need to honor your feeling and validate them as they come up," Davis said.
Davis relates loss to a physical illness or injury.
"Your body knows how to heal itself when you get a scrape or a bruise," she added.
The same thing goes for when you need to grieve. Davis said when you feel yourself starting to cry or you need to be alone, you need to listen to your body.
She said all together you need to trust your body and let it do what it needs to do.
"Grief comes in waves, so when you feel a big wave it's so important to honor those feelings," Davis said.
Using the holidays as a way to help you grieve:
Davis said honoring your loved ones is one of the best things you can do during the holidays.
Some examples include but are not limited to:
1. Bring one of their favorite belongings with you.
2. Keep their picture with you at holiday gatherings.
3. Make something that person loved to make during the holidays. That could be something like food or desserts.
"The holidays are about being with people so sometimes you can use that to help with your grieving," Davis said.
She said it could be helpful to find a grief group either on social media or in person. Being around family and friends is also helpful.
What to look out for while dealing with loss:
Making sure you are taking care of your basic needs during the holidays like taking a shower, taking medication, stretching or brushing your teeth is very important, according to Davis.
"If basic needs aren't met, our emotions can be very out of whack," she added.
Sometimes having someone to hold you accountable can help with these small achievements.
On top of this, finding little things to be excited about can help you move through loss.
Planning little things like seeing someone could help a lot, she added.
Here are a few tips, according to Communities in Schools Memphis:
- "Create space to have conversations about grief that is a normal and comfortable part of daily life, such as a shared activity, game, scheduled outing, daily routine, etc. Remember, it’s okay to have fun, especially when dealing with children.
- Incorporate authentic opportunities for memorialization, rituals, and traditions to honor and remember lost loved ones that fit within the context of the family or friendship.
- Give accurate, honest, and age-appropriate information. For children, try not to avoid the words 'died,' 'dead,' and 'death,' and remember that it’s okay not to have all the answers.
- Reach out to people and resources that can help you facilitate a conversation and provide ongoing support."